Bothering Snape
by KatyaX
Summary: Yule Balls, Snapey grumblings, a drunken Mad Eye, scandalous embraces, flapping skirts, and an offer to snap any man out a dark reverie. A definite part two in the making. Named after the Potter Puppet Pals. Bother!
1. Chapter 1

The unmistakable flapping of Hermione Granger's dress robes announced her appearance at the top of the Astronomy tower and stirred Snape from his reverie. Willing himself to keep a civil tone despite her intrusion, he did not turn around but said, "Miss Granger, surely you are wanted back in the ballroom? I cannot imagine Minerva would allow you to slip away from the festivities so early in the evening."

"You don't understand. Really. You see - "

"And I refuse to go back in your stead. I have had the misfortunate of chaperoning over three dozen of Albus's little Yule Ball soirées and Halloween parties and Merlin-help me, Valentine's dances, and with your addition to the staff I have finally been allowed a reprieve." His slouch deepened a few degrees to emphasize his avowal.

"Please hear me out, Sir, for I fear you misunderstand why I am here and - "

"Two decades," he continued as though she'd said nothing, "of watching those brave Gryffindor boys stammer and stumble about while trying to appear charming and suave. And of Slytherin boys attempting hasty cleansing charms once they spill punch on their companion's dress? No, no, I'm not - "

Hermione wrung her hands a bit as she entreated further. "If you would but listen, Professor, for I have no intention of inflicting such burdens on you this evening. I only ask that you let me hide myself here a little longer." She shot another desperate glace over her shoulder at the doorway.

"You are adeptly skilled, Miss Granger, at concealment charms, disillusionment spells, transfiguration even? Certainly you can take care of yourself? They are just students after all."

"Miss Granger!!! Oh, Miss Granger, where've you gotten to, girl?" An Irish brogue, so lazy-sounding it could be described as slurred, grew closer.

"Students, Sir, would not accost me in the dark corners of this castle so as to... Complicate me."

"Miss Granger!" The familiar voice echoed up the stairwell and Hermione groaned.

"Moreover, an Auror so skilled as Mad-Eye Moody should have little difficulty overcoming my concealment charms, regardless of how much he's had to drink, don't you agree?" Her frustration turned to desperation as Snape turned to face her, his stone cold features remaining impartial. "Oh, please, please let me hide away with you here. I beg of you. Please, there is nothing I desire less than to return to that ballroom. Your asylum will buy my silence after this moment if only you will consent?"

Snape met her beseeching eyes - for it was difficult not to as she'd grabbed him by the collar - and nodded his agreement. Not a moment too soon as Alastor Moody, preceded by his shadow, appeared at the doorway, a large mug of something frothy clutched in one hand.

"Ah! Miss Granger, there you are... Ah... I see." His bright blue magical eye flicked from Snape to Hermione, then back again. The smile he wore so boldly diminished.

"You'll excuse us, Alastor?" Snape said in a low throaty voice that made Hermione involuntarily inch a bit closer. "We've spent all evening trying to find two minutes peace alone together? Surely you understand?"

He tuned his attention back to Hermione and his face was suddenly very close to hers. His right arm had somehow snaked around her waist and his left hand - "Oh!" she thought. "Oh, so that's where his other hand went…"

The older man nodded sulkily and retreated down the stairwell muttering something about his damn leg slowing him down. Hermione turned back to Snape and sighed, "Thank you, you have no idea -- -"

"Miss Granger, you may release me now." He had completely relinquished his hold on her and his arms were hanging lank at his sides.

"Oh. Of course." Hermione loosened her death grip on his collar, stepped back and smoothed the front of her skirt. "I can't even begin to thank you, Professor, I -- "

He put up a hand and looked down at her. "I beg you. Do not begin. You're welcome to share my sanctuary... For the time being. But you're paying for your board with that silence you offered me earlier. Understood?"

Hermione, thinking better of risking her refuge with cheek, gave the slightest gentlewomanly curtsey and retreated to her side of the tower as Snape resumed his silent countenance several feet away. The stone floor beneath her feet vibrated with the thump-thump-thump of what was passing for music downstairs. It was late December and snow had fallen that morning. But it seemed that Snape, or possibly the house elves, had gone about the task of clearing the tower's balcony.

She had not planned on running into Snape up here. She'd only been looking for someplace too awkward for Moody and his false leg to reach. Although she had suspected as she made her way up the stairs that she might find him here. For this was the crime scene, the very place where Snape went from misanthropic potions master to murdering traitor -- Or so they had all thought for several weeks. And though his name was cleared to friends and co-workers and even the Ministry of Magic once Dumbledore awoke from his portrait and testified, the act was still the same, the curse he'd spoke still uttered. And while the rest of the school and its inhabitants danced and celebrated several flights below, one man set himself apart, as so it seemed his lot in life, and hid away from it all.

But then again, as seemed his other raison d'ete, he did take one for the team a few moments ago. No doubt it had cost him dearly to strike down Dumbledore, the one he had called friend. But to embrace her, the one he had called enemy? Well, that was certainly a Christmas miracle if ever there was one.

He spoke so suddenly that Hermione jumped. "I rather thought Lupin would be defending your honor tonight?"

Hermione was not sure if she was being bated into an argument or lured into a conversation. She played it neutral. "Um… Remus was busy returning some party-crashing second years to their dorms."

"I see. Well, I for one would not have left you alone for two minutes with Moody. I'll have to speak with Lupin about his serious lapse of judgment."

Hermione smiled to herself but did not turn around. "Remus was not my escort for the evening, Professor. One could hardly oblige him to defend my honor all night."

"If you are suggesting that Lupin and I take turns, Miss Granger…"

Turning to counter his sarcasm with reason, she interjected, "Really, Professor Snape, I'm nearly twenty-five years old, twice divorced, and an instructor of Arithmancy at the same school at which you teach. Surely you can think of a dozen other things to call me besides 'Miss.' Come now, they don't even have to be nice things."

This solicited from him the briefest of smiles but it faded as quickly as it had come on. Hermione knew when her reprieve was at an end. She made for the stairs.

"I appreciate your assistance, Professor Snape. I shall endeavor to keep better company tonight."

"I suggest you do, Miss… Professor Granger."

She paused at the door and turned back. "And if you desire any company at all, of any sort, better or worse, you'll know where to find me."


	2. Chapter 2

Bothering Granger 

He found her over a half hour later, standing in a far corner of the Great Hall with a steaming cup of cocoa in one hand and in the other the collar of a Hufflepuff boy Snape vaguely recognized. Hermione removed the boy a few feet, then extracted his female counterpart from behind the same drapery. Snape smirked. Perhaps he and Professor Granger had more in common than he suspected. He watched the boy and his rather embarrassed partner scurry off and dissappear in the throng of oblivious dancing students.

Snape waited several moments before attempting to approach Hermione Granger. Instead he took stock of those around him and calculated the odds of whether he'd be accosted at breakfast the next morning with questions of his choice of dance partners. It wasn't something he was keen on, asking Hermione Granger, of all the women in the world, to dance. She ranked just above Bellatrix LeStrange in the desirability department, so far as compatability was concerned. What in Merlin's name would she have to bring to his table? And what of his to hers? They had their affiliations so far as the school, old war stories, and perhaps some scathing remarks in regards to their now-defuncked love lives, but other than THAT...

But perhaps he was over-thinking it. It was nice, he'd decided, to have her so close earlier. He didn't exactly find her physically attractive, but he would be lying if he said she wasn't interesting. She'd ALWAYS been INTERESTING. Even as a girl, she'd at least been - -

And then Severus froze, his hand over the ladle of the egg nog bowl. "As a girl," he repeated to himself, a sneer inflecting even there in his head. "As a girl..." What the bloody HELL was he thinking!? It almost made him want to hex himself for being so blindingly stupid. For him to even CONSIDER, for one MOMENT, asking Hermione Granger to DANCE, well, that was - -

"You came down."

And Snape froze again.

"I was beginning to think we'd done you some serious harm, making you chaperone this year. I'd have thought that Minerva would have some pity on you after all this time."

Snape attempted to act casual, or casual for him anyway, and resumed pouring himself a cup of egg nog with brusque efficiency. He did not look up as he replied "I have been through far worse in my time. If I cannot even manage to stand four hours of hormonal revelry - - "

"'Hormonal revelry'?" she repeated, a bit surprised, and possibly, thought Severus, a little intrigued. "What on earth have you been witness to these last two dozen dances that could cause you to concoct a phrase like 'hormonal revelry'?"

Snape, blisteringly aware of her eyes on him and the smile that was most likely playing at her lips, turned a blind eye to propriety, turned to her, took a sip of his drink and said, quiet insinuatingly, "It would curl your toes to hear of such things."

To her credit and his surprise she did neither gasp in shock nor laugh out of nervousness. Instead she raised an eyebrow and said "So long as I don't have to hear the words 'Filtch' and 'Pince' in the same sentence, I could stand an unsubstantiated rumor or two." She glanced over her shoulder and nodded towards Remus Lupin who was redepositing several Slytherin boys back into the hall. "There's only an hour left. Would you like to get something to eat in the kitchens? I wouldn't ask, but I haven't eaten all day. I was busy helping Neville and Hagrid decorate."

Snape seriously thought about it for a good solid moment and finally decided that discretion was by far the better part of valor. But the words "Perhaps my study would be a more suitable place," did not come out as he expected. "Don't you suppose that Lupin would be more than a bit disappointed? Not to mention Moody?"

Hermione's entire countenance morphed before him, and he recognized the warning signs of one greatly insulted coming to her own defense. Through gritted teeth she said "For your information, Professor Snape, I am, contrary to your insinuations, NOT, in any way, involved with Professor Lupin. Moreover, joking about Alistor's ... Persistence is not only unnerving, but embarrassing. If you don't want to talk to me, then DON'T TALK TO ME. And DON'T stare at me from across the dance floor EITHER!" With that, she turned on her heel and marched away smartly, her boots clicking in time with the music.

He hadn't even realized he'd BEEN staring...


	3. Chapter 3

"You're aware, I'm sure, that Severus has been staring at you for the last forty-five minutes?"

"Hermione turned to Remus Lupin and snorted lightly at this. "Honestly, I'm beginning to think that all those years cooped up in the dungeons has turned his brain into pudding. And his heart to ... I don't know, something hard," she finished lamely. She took a long swig of her cocoa and leaned back against the wall.

Remus leaned back next to her and crossed his arms as he sighed. He surveyed the throng of hyper students dancing to something that sounded somewhat unruly for his tastes. "He's never been what one might call a 'ladies' man.'"

Hermione looked aghast. "_No_! You don t say! _Really_?"

"Oh, shut up," he replied with a smirk.

"Well, it doesn t matter anyway. I'm not exactly interested to begin with." Lupin made a derisive noise which caused Hermione to scowl. "I'm _not_."

"You might think you're not, Hermione, but you are. There's nothing _wrong _with that," he assured. "You don't have to want to grow old with him to be a bit interested in the man."

"I adore working with him, despite his terrible temper and his absolutely miserable manner."

"Granted."

"But really, Remus, I've never been the girl who falls for the dark, mysterious anti-hero..."

"No," he agreed, shaking his head and delving his interest into his finger nail. "No... You're the girl who falls for the rubbish Quidditch players."

"Arse," she muttered.

"He's leaving. Just... So you know," he added lightly, nodding over to the other side of the hall where Snape was leaving a conversation with McGonagall.

"Hmm..." she replied, non-committingly. "I promised Minerva I would stay till the last student is back in his or her rooms."

"Yeeesss," he drawled. "I'm sure she really expects you to honor that misguided oath."

"Oh, piss in a hat, Remus," she sneered. With a swig and a sigh she finished off her cocoa and straightened up. "You won't be happy until I've got seven black-haired and unruly children running about and blowing up cauldrons, will you?"

"Well, if they're blowing up cauldrons, they're not Severus's. And they're certainly not _yours_," he added with a smile.

Hermione shoved her mug at Lupin and narrowed her eyes. "I'm holding you _personally _responsible for the possible injuries I may sustain tonight."

He raised the empty mug in her direction. "Happy hunting."


	4. Chapter 4

There was no good reason for Hermione to be walking down the corridor she was currently occupying. Less reason for her to be dogging Severus Snape's heels. And if she thought about it, that mug of cocoa Remus had handed her had a subtle aftertaste of rum to it.

But that was neither here nor there. For there she was, and here was Snape coming towards her.

Hadn't she been following him?

"You've failed to keep your promise," he said, as though that explained everything.

"Right. What?" she asked, drawing the long sleeves of her formal robes around her against his chill.

"On the tower. You said you would leave me be if I... Helped you. And yet, here you are again."

"With all due respect, Professor, you approached me in the hall."

"I did no such thing. You accosted me by the refreshments table."

"YOU," she countered, stepping on the end of his sentence, "followed ME down and had been staring at me for a substantial part of the hour."

"I beg to differ, I -"

"Remus said he saw you staring at me, and I know bloody well he's right. So, if you're so content on being alone this evening, why didn't you keep walking?"

"And if you're so content over not being stared at, SUPPOSEDLY, why did you ever follow me?"

"I..." Hermione's mouth remained ajar and she sighed. "...don't know," she finished.

"Excellent. Well, then, why don't you return to Lupin for the answers, as he seems to be so knowledgeable tonight."

She expected him to turn on his heel and stalk away, robes flying behind him, but he stood there. Hermione s eyebrow arched. "Isn't this where you storm away, all indignant?"

"It seems the thing to do," he agreed.

"Yes. Well." She cleared her throat. "Look, I never meant to bother you at all. I was just trying to get away from Alastor."

"Yes, as you've said."

"And I only came up to you after that because I knew you'd been watching me."

"So you say."

Hermione continued, annoyed but unflustered. "I DO have an eyewitness," she added.

"Certainly he spoke accusingly out of a kind of lonely jealousy."

"No, actually," she replied, blunt as a bludger to the back of the head, "I think he spiked my drink to make me more malleable to the suggestion to... Well. Anyway."

Snape finally said nothing, for he could think of nothing good to say. He stepped back a half step and surveyed her.

"What are you looking at?"

He didn't say what he was thinking, for he had learned his lesson earlier by the egg nog bowl. "Kitchens," he chose instead.

"What?"

"Earlier. You asked me if I would join you in the kitchens."

"Oh. I did. Yes. Well."

He was silent for a moment and then a bit impatient. "Did you wish to continue that pathetic excuse for a sentence, or shall I chalk it all up to whatever Lupin supposedly put in your cocoa?"

Hermione frowned, but only briefly. "Kitchens," she repeated. "Yes."


End file.
